Lead Kindly Light

The fourth grade students wiggled in their seats like puppies while their teacher, Mr. Sessions, unfolded the flaps of a box on his desk. I tucked my leg under me, then drew up the other almost kneeling in my chair with anticipation. Lifting a list from the box, our teacher began calling out names and handing out Scholastic Books.

“Suzanne.”

Nearly falling out of my chair, I fast-walked to the front, excited to see three paperbacks in his hand.

After all these years, I remember those books. One explained how to perform magic tricks with a handkerchief and other props, one featured a girl and her horse, and in the third, the protagonist received a guide dog.  

The relationship between the girl and her dog fascinated me. She gave the animal  commands, and he led her safely to her destinations, whether they walked through a corridor to her classroom or on a sidewalk from school to home. Their companionship stretched my heart on its leash. Though the book showed me the hardships of blindness, I wanted a dog like that.  

For weeks, I closed my eyes and counted the number of steps from my bedroom to the kitchen and to the bathroom. At first, I walked with my arms outstretched and felt for walls and doorjambs and shuffled my feet to feel the bump between carpet and linoleum. After practicing, I could feel the presence of something solid before I ran into it. The sound of my movements, or breath, or some sense warned me that I neared a barrier. At night I progressed to finding my way all over the house in the dark while my family snuffled in sleep.

As I find my way through life, my physical senses aid me, but there is another world that defies senses. Like air, it seems empty but can be felt, is invisible but causes movement of visible things. Satisfaction, love, curiosity—domination, evil, animosity—these are a handful of the inhabitants of the invisible world, and I need something in that world to help me navigate its maze. I reach out with my spiritual heart to feel for walls and doorways. I find God waiting for me.

Acts 17:26-28 “God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him.” God’s Spirit from the spiritual world leads me through the physical world. 

The girl in the Scholastic book required training with her dog to make their communication work. Months passed with many frustrations for her and the dog before they worked as a team. She needed trainers to teach her proper commands and to understand her dog’s interpretations. They had to grow in knowing each other.

Looking to God for guidance is not as easy as following a dog with a stiff harness. Is that little nudge the Holy Spirit, or is it all in my head? I wish He spoke aloud, but then, I wouldn’t work at seeking Him or cling as tightly to Him. I might charge ahead and smash into someone. I can’t rely on myself to count steps to a destination, because I don’t know for sure where He leads. I may assume we are headed to point A— say I write about a topic to make a point— but with the Spirit, I end up curving to an unexpected landing place.

Unlike a guide dog, I want God’s spirit to guide where He wants me to go, not where I command to go. He set up situations for me to live out, but I don’t know what, where, or when those happen, so I talk to Him and ask where to go and what to do. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” The Holy Spirit leads me to, through, and beyond those settings. 

At times I sense God’s Spirit halting me or urging me forward with an undefined awareness of His presence, just as I sensed walls or an open doorway after practicing. “Your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.” Other times He prompts me using Bible verses. He pulls an applicable verse from the recesses of memory to the forefront of my mind to direct me.

Sometimes, the Holy Spirit repeatedly interrupts my thoughts with a person or situation which niggles and itches until I stop and pay attention. Then, I talk with Him about it. Should I do something? A card? A call? Wait and pray? 

God’s Spirit is a person not a force or something unknowable. He comforts, teaches, corrects, and prays. I can lie to Him, grieve Him, quench Him and stir Him. The better I know the Holy Spirit, the more in-step we become. The more I obey His directions, the more I detect His silent voice, but unlike me, if I ignore His leading, the quieter, not louder, He becomes. I am inclined to skip the growing, awkward silence and finish His sentences for Him, but to hear Him, I must push everything aside, and not just glance toward Him, but make eye contact with my attention. 

Listening for the Spirit of God can seem like feeling my way in the dark or talking to myself in my head. When frustrated, I can go my way and run into walls, or like the character in the book, I can step forward in faith that He is present and can be trusted. I am convinced He is as real as the material world, and when I sync with Him, amazing things happen in the visible and invisible worlds.

“Even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.” Psalm 139:12